Some weeks, I feel like I accomplish nothing. Sure, I get stuff done. I hit send, attend meetings, click, listen and watch. I consume but do I produce? I guess I’m struck by an especially stubborn case of the overstimulated. I’ve got my brain going in too many directions for any of them to feel particularly fruitful. I’m painfully aware of my flailing. I feel it in real-time but continue to wander to my own detriment. Never quite finishing things in a satisfactory manner and spreading myself thin with ideas. I’m craving a wave of intent. Wishing it would find me, shake me and guide me along so.
There a million and one things I want to do here on 312 Beauty but above all is making sure they feel 100% me. I value my space and what I’m doing here, believe that. I am connected to my writing and discoveries but I always want to be purposeful and conscious about ‘stuff.’ Listen, we all love stuff. We recommend the stuff we like. We seek out stuff that interests us. We are natural ambassadors for the stuff we think could also be your stuff. But, guys, so much stuff sometimes!
Since I’ve been living in Toronto and away from my space – and all of my stuff that comes with it – I’ve been acutely sensitive to this issue. This is not a critique as much as it is a question I’ve put on myself: What stuff matters?
And I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not so much the stuff but the domain and context of it all. We give stuff meaning. I haven’t slept in my own bed since July, cooked in my kitchen or taken a bath in my tub. I miss the dents in my just firm enough pillows and cuddling up in my blankets with the ones I love. I miss trying a new recipe and (attempting to) be a master of my kitchen. Or lighting a candle and relaxing on my couch, or tub, after a long day. It’s not to say we don’t find meaning in new and foreign places but our attachment to our stuff in our space is perfectly normal.
This is a longwinded way of trying to verbalize the thoughts in my head.
In that growing list of stories I want to tell is also a fundamental commitment to just keeping it real. I’ve been blogging a bit less for all of the above reasons and also because I’ve been out just living life, soaking up experiences. I really hesitated to even publish this at all but I feel like I’m finding resolution and am excited about what’s ahead for me, you and 312 Beauty. And, I know that I’m far from alone in wanting to be meaningful and purposeful.
For the sake of discussion, pile on. I’d love to know your thoughts, struggles, advice or just a hello.
photo via Death to the Stock Photo
Stuff doesn’t matter, but the memories and positive emotions do – it’s why you can never throw away a baby blanket, or ticket stub from a first date or polaroid from high school. Sometimes the memories live in the stuff! I’m sure your bed, and your kitchen and your tub are all missing you back – like I am! 🙂
Great post Girl. I’ve been feeling a similar way about blogging lately. So many ideas in so many different directions. I end up writing posts that I feel like I need to finish, but sometimes I don’t feel a real connection to them. They are just adding to the “pile” of stuff almost. Fall is a funny season. There is so much creative energy everywhere but sometimes it’s hard to get control over it.
Sending smiles, xo.
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Laurie, I just saw this post, and I can TOTALLY relate! I’m pretty much at the same place, and it’s so nice to see that you did publish this – I don’t feel so alone! I also feel overwhelmed, buried physically and emotionally in ‘stuff,’ and as a beauty blogger, the ceaseless stream of unsolicited products give me anxiety. Yes, my problems can be worse, but it leaves the feeling of just treading water. Great post – thanks for sharing!
Julia, thank you for the thoughtful comment! This affects me more time than others but when I’m feeling buried my mind just can’t dig out of the clutter as quickly.
I hear you! It’s somewhat of a solace to know that you aren’t the only one that feels this way!
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